Separated at Birth

Joachim Loew - German manager

Kyle Machlachan. Desperate Housebloke.

Letter from America

This is a letter from my friend Mark who was out visiting his American in-laws during the latter stages of the tournament. Here he meditates on the American’s uneasy relationship with the Beautiful Game. [Note the latest brilliant headline in the New York Post. C'mon shouty British people they are JOKING.]

Americans just don’t get it. Not for the want of trying. There is an excitable majority in the country who will genuinely get excited at any sport whatsoever, so it stands to reason that an interest in footb.. sorry SOCCER, would come naturally.

Orange is not the only colour

A pretty restrained approach from the Dutch on winning through to the final then.

5 Best Angry Englishmen Clips

A collection of confused, drunken but generally unhappy Englishmen for you. A great collage of grief and anger, mixed with a huge amount of alcohol: all mediated and compiled for you by a series of  uncaring and definitely bewildered media outlets.

Just to ease you in. According to a news reporter from an Indian TV channel, England were seeking revenge for their elimination at the hands of the USA in 1950.

OK. She’s back – the reporter who clearly doesn’t know ANYTHING about football. But check out the headlines, ‘England Fans Distraught at Sorry Display.’ ‘Barmy Army Shocked by German Juggernaut’ and note the glee in her voice when she says ‘embarrassing’. And loads of English people dealing with their drunken grief in time-honoured fashion.

Some more unhappy English fans.

Another unhappy English person.

And some historical context. Here are some unhappy English fans two years ago.

Heinze and The Camera

A Letter from Berlin

Brandenburg Gate in Berlin, England vs Trinidad and Tobago, 15 June 2006

This is a letter from my friend Margot who is a journalist and broadcaster. She’s from the north-east of England but lives in Berlin with her children. My wife and I stayed with her during the last World Cup in 2006 and her apartment in Prenzlauer Berg was as full of excitement for the tournament as the Fan Mile in the centre of the city.

Five England Gags

1. Osama bin Laden has just released a new tv message to prove he is still alive. He said that the England Team performance on Friday was completely s**t. British intelligence has dismissed the claim, stating that the message could have been recorded anytime in the last 40 years.
2. The English team visited an orphanage in Capetown yesterday before their match. ‘It’s so heartbreaking to see the look of hope and expectation on their faces, which is so sure to be disappointed,’ said Anele Sibaya, aged 6.
3. I can’t believe we only managed a draw against a rubbish team we should easily have beaten. . . . I’m ashamed to call myself Algerian
4. Rob Green.
5. When asked if Fabio Capello thought England would go 4-4-2 today, he said “No, they will go 7-4-7, it’s bigger and offers more leg room.”

A letter from my Aunty Liz

My Aunty Liz is General Director of Medecins Sans Frontier in South Africa. As a consequence of this awesome task, she has come up against the most extreme problems facing her country. I asked her how she felt that the normal South African was benefitting from the World Cup. No-one likes to be continually reminded of serious matters when they are enjoying the game, but I thought her answer, even in the face of huge  frustrations, was superbly balanced and incredibly insightful.

Five Best Vuvuzela Clips

Not even ruined by the silly Dutch people introducing it. Two Algerian fans enjoy the warm-up to their stunning 0-0 draw with England. I think I’ve watched this about 12 times and still makes me laugh. 

Love is blind

This pub in Shrewsbury, photographed by Nick Hedges, shows that a view on the world is unimportant when it comes to displaying ones hope and passion. As the country gears up to their make or break match against Slovenia, the only thing one can really say, is, come on England.